Posts tagged winona
Ok, so my last blog was about Priscilla and I getting attacked by bears in South Dakota- AND LOVING IT! …that was about six months ago. …or eight. And, it seems as though I’ve gotten pretty bad at updating this blog. I promise to try and do better… but, in the mean time, he’s what I’ve done the last- I don’t know, year or so.
In September we went down to Winona for the fifth annual Zombie Pub Crawl. Unlike some more normal cities zombie crawls, in Winona you get a good feeling for what a real zombie attack would look like. People stop traffic, climb on cars, projectile vomit all over, and even chase unsuspecting college kids who don’t know what’s going on. One high schooler tried to start a fight when his daddy’s Chrysler 300 got a little bit of puke and blood on it… what a wuss. The only zombie he attacked was a girl, and his opening line was, ‘you can’t hit me, I’m a minor.’ Then he promptly tried to strangle a girl zombie before the rest of the angry mob of drunken undead gently removed him and told him to go home. This boy will be a huge douche bag one day…
Also, Priscilla launched Pirk, a soap and beauty company. All natural, organic when possible, soap and face scrubs and bath bubbly salt junk, all that sort of crap. People have been liking it so far!
In October, Maudlin and our agency Green Room Music Source, went to New York City again for the CMJ music festival. I was very disappointed by the fact that we didn’t steal any mannequin body parts this time. We did eat a lot of food, and get a better understanding of how the Russian Mafia operates.
Then, in November, Maudlin welcomed a new band member into our wacky fold. You may remember Nick from last years St. Patrick’s Day adventure.
December was a time for holiday magic! Maudlin hosted our second, kind of annual ‘The Worst Christmas Pageant Ever’ at the Hexagon in Minneapolis. Discribing this event isn’t as much fun and just listening…
January was cold. We don’t do anything in January here because it’s just too cold. When the New year is over we turn in to primordial cave people. …We also make ice sculptures though.
February has Valentines day in it… Weak. I got Priscilla a pan for Valentines day. Yup, a nice pan. I thought this was probably not the greatest gift I’d ever come up with for Priscilla. However, after seeing her reaction to getting a very nice pan, I’ve decided that she only gets pans for gifts from now on. That’s your relationship advice for the year- Pans, chicks dig them. Or, at least, Priscilla does…
That’s about it… Oh, and George Clooney, STOP making movies. Please. The glory days or over my friend. Speaking of people who should stop doing what they do, I found this website recently. What a beautiful charity! www.killlilwayne.org Hopefully someone will make a similar site for Weezer soon. They must be stopped!
Until next time…
WARNING: HARRY POTTER SPOILERS WITHIN
There are somethings that everyone experiences once or twice in their life; getting trapped in a room full of naked women is one of these things. I clearly remember the first time it happened to me. I was eighteen years old and employed as a pizza delivery boy. I was on a routine run out to St Mary’s University in the mutant little town of Winona, MN. It was the summer time, probably in July- on a day not unlike this day.
When I pulled on to campus there weren’t any people around, which made sense because school wasn’t in session. I made my way to the dormitory on the pizza order; it looked deserted. I rang the buzzer and then waited. Nothing. Just when I was going to take off, something magical happened. The door was pulled open by… a hot chick in a bath towel. She was very excited to see me, and lead me into the dorm hallway- and there they were- dozens of other hot chicks wearing nothing but towels. (I know that many of you already think I’m full of it, but, I’m totally not. Why God let this happen before the invention of the camera phone, I don’t know; you’ll just have to take my word for it. )
Now, the normal reaction you see when some random guy walks in on a herd of feral women running around mostly nude is pretty negative. Guys, am I right? But, these where no ordinary feral women. They were a giant troupe of all girl soccer players staying on campus all weekend for an all girls soccer tournament- meaning there weren’t ANY dudes there at all. They were like starving derelicts attacking me like I was the dumpster behind a Perkins. ”Oh, Mr. Pizza Boy, came hang out with us!”
“Pizza Man, get your picture taken with us”
“Over here, us too Pizza Inferno”
“No, pay attention to us! Pizza Stallion!”
“We hunger for your loins Darth Pizza Boy- Take us now!”
I’m pretty sure I started crying at some point, weeping tears of joy. They were all hot like Hermione, and I could tell they were interested in my magic wand. But then, like always, some uglies ruined it all.
“Blarg narg ahooga, Pizza Guy! Get over here now- We feed now!” …I kept crying. Three breasts from down the hall forcefully dragged me away from the sirens like some horrid high school soccer version of Cerberus into their hellish dorm room. They took their pizza, tipped me poorly, and kicked me out.
Later that evening, another call came in from the same address for more pizza. I stole the order from another driver, desperate to recreate the magic. It was no use, even the Half Blood Prince couldn’t have conjured that moment back up, not even if he was wearing his prosthetics from Galaxy Quest! More ugoes had ordered this pizza, and they met me outside the building. I would have to wait ten more years before this would happen again… (foreshadowing)
So, for those of you who follow my sweet band maudlin, you know that we like playing bizarre shows. The more weird the better as far as I’m concerned. (As long as the weird part has nothing to do with the compensation…)
We were asked by Donette, a peach of a young lady who claims to wear one of our buttons on her lapel, to play a show to help raise money for Susan G Komen Breast cancer research. Charity and flattery both go a long way for us, however, throwing in a boob themed “Racktacular” with burlesque show and an art bra contest really pushed us over the edge.
It was a great show, and things were going well. We were hanging out, we were talking it up, and then we decided to go into the green room. When you’re famous you’re probably hiding there from fans, when your us you’re down there looking for free things. Sure enough, there were beverages and snacks… and changing girls.
The burlesque troupe from Lili’s Burlesque were also using the space for their costume changes. There was a little partition between the cookies and liquor and the area where the girls were getting read for their show. There wasn’t a whole lot of space and I just kind of tried to not look past the cookies. Jason snapped a picture of me with the ladies, and then went upstairs to get ready to take more pictures of the art bras. Priscilla and I sat downstairs in the green room a little longer… which turned out to be a little too long.
Before we had thought about when we were going to leave, it was time for the girls to start. They all filed up the stairs and waited in line to model the art bras. The way the club was set up, we’d have had to walk right past them and the stage to get back into the audience, and it didn’t seem like that would be appropriate. Priscilla said she was going to try it anyway. She deceivingly said she would go up the stairs and see if there was a clear path and then come and get me if there was.
She went up the stairs and never returned. …but the Lili’s girls did- and in a frantic hurry. One by one they came running down the stairs, some starting to shed the little clothes they were wearing as they went. They went towards the cookies and then came running back with new lingerie on. I was feeling awkward long before this, but now I was feeling really awkward. I positioned myself facing the stairs with my back to the cookie/naked parts area. I was pretty sure that they were all probably thinking, ‘why is this douche still here,’ but I could really find a good opening to run up and escape. Finally, I mustered the courage to ask a woman sprinting past undoing her bra.
“Um, can I sneak up the stairs to get out of here, or should I just wait here?” I’m sure my voice was cracking like Harry Potter’s on a first date. “No,” was the reply. …Now, to be honest, I had no clue what that even meant. I went back to my space on the couch and tried to focus on twittering on my phone. [mrmaudlin -follow me!] Eventually, it was all over and I bolted back upstairs. By then it was time for our set, so I went right into setting up. Ironically, I didn’t even see most of the art bras until after the show when they were hanging up at the silent auction. …I did see lots of girl butts running up stairs though.
Maudlin played a pretty hot set, and when it was all over we all decided we should end the night at Weber World. …only Jason had decided it was time to let his dog out to pee. So, he left the club with the only vehicle big enough to haul our gear fifteen minutes before the place closed and said he’d be right back when the dog was relieved. So we waited. And waited. …and waited. Eventually he came back and we all climbed around in the new fuselage room until like, four or five.
So now it’s time for a new part of my blog that I’m going to call, “In Review.” …basically I’ll briefly review several things I’ve recently seen, heard or done. Ready?
The Talented Mr Riply: Finally got around to seeing this one because Target has it on sale for $2.99. …This whole movie is basically one giant documentary about how huge Matt Damon’s teeth are.
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Wizard: Hermione still doesn’t get naked in this one, and Harry Potter hasn’t been killed, bludgeoned, or cruelly maimed yet either. I’m hoping for the best with the next one. Still, you can’t really dislike a children’s movie where a goth gang throws and old man out a window to plummet to his death can you? I can’t.
Hello again, hello again!!
So, as I was about to start to write this blog about some other things, we noticed that the local TV show we taped finally aired…or will be airing soon… it’s done though. Go check it out!!
Um, so this past week we had a couple of shows. The first one was in Winona, MN… this is the bizarre little city where Priscilla and I hail from. I mean that in a good way… the same way I like Bigfoot. We work a lot with this kid named Peter Boysen, who takes pictures that are sweet, and happens to like us. (Maudlin likes minions. Really, who doesn’t. But, if you’re a person, and not an entity like a band, they are harder to come by without money. You need to be famous, or have really sweet hair, or something like that. Well, my hair probably isn’t the sweetest in the world, but my band is, therefore, we have a few minions. Peter is one of them. …more precisely, I think he’s the only one. ) We like having a photographer, but we also want a videographer as well, so we tried to con him into being both for a night. The result? Stop motion photography video. I know, I know, we’re sooo cool. So we went down to Winona Friday to make this thing with Peter.
Now, we kind of debated what song… cause, we wanted a cool one, but also one that could work well with stop motion… we settled on Infidelity. Now, seeing as we’re totally disorganized, and haven’t been caring lately, we didn’t do a story board… or even have any clue what we wanted. We winged it. Only Peter loves us enough to waste his time on to see if maybe something cool happens. But, probably some cool things did happen.
We chose Ed’s in Winona as the place to do it. He thought it was a good idea too, and we know lots of people in Winona, Peter lives there too… it all made sense. So, we drove down to Winona, found Peter, shooting pictures of girls as usual, and then we were off!!
…Four hours later we really hadn’t shot anything or come up with any good ideas. …Other than getting a hot and ready. Eventually we just got ready for the show. We decided if we were talking about Infidelity, girls should probably be hitting on me. …basically because it was a music video girls should probably be hitting on my anyway. There should also be a boat, gold bullion, and a sports car… but we didn’t have any of those things. …so we settled for girls who were willing to sit next to me. …movie magic will make it all look cool. It’s hard for laypeople to understand, so don’t try.
Anyway, I think it went well. Winona was nice to us as always, it was good to be home and to see people singing along with the tunes. Our pals The Debut, and Jenny Dalton came down to Winona to play as well, and put on great shows.
So, afterwards, I abandoned Jason at Todd’s house and went to bed. In the morning we woke up and got ready for the road. Next stop MILWAUKEE!!
Milwaukee is a dangerous place to go to because it’s in Wisconsin. Most people think that, like other midwestern states, Wisconsin has corn, trees, cows, and people in overalls. While, many times this is true, Wisconsin is also home to more alien sightings and serial murderers than any other state in the union. Milwaukee is on the very far end of the state too, meaning there’s a lot of Wisconsin between us and the Brewers. So, we took a huge risk going out there.
When we arrived in Milwaukee, five hours early for our show, we decided to go to the lake. What lake is that you ask? The big one stupid. Milwaukee is on the coast of Lake Michigan, which is one of the Great Lakes. We have one too in Minnesota, and ours is better.
Avid explorers that we were, it took no time at all for Priscilla to find a fossil and some sea glass, and for me to find a sea lego in the sand. …ok, Priscilla found both, but she gave the lego to me… Then, to prove that we weren’t girls or anything, Jason and I climbed on all the rocks you weren’t supposed to climb on. The loons and children feared us.
Later that night we got to the BBC and demanded food for free which was provided for us. It was pretty ok. Then we waited another several hours to go on because we were so early. It was hard to tell if Wisconsin was ready for Maudlin or not, but we rolled around on the floor anyway, because that’s what we do. Then, even though The SaltShakers totalled wanted us to stay with them and hang out, because we’re neurotic and unstable, we drove home. You can’t predict what Maudlin will do, so stop trying. We drove home, and I only slept a little while I was driving. The fact that I’m here to write this, means it was the right choice.
That’s about it… This week? In store at Cheapo. Where we intend to block the exit, and awkwardly demand that people buy our CD if they want to get past to leave the store. See you there!
P.S. …Priscilla says that if they “answer a riddle” they can leave the store too… It’s past her bedtime.